Image from Rock Vincent Guitard on Unsplash
The white dragon rises, shimmering in the slanted rays of the winter sun, her moves sounding like icicles crackling as her great head—
“I cast fireball.”
The DM stops her description and sends a sharp look at the player.
“What? I cast fireball, a surprise attack, right?” Jeremy starts picking up his six-siders.
“She is well aware that your party is there.” Emily places the sheet she had been reading down behind her screen. “Even the thief failed his stealth roll.” She sent her boyfriend a sympathetic smile.
Mark slouches further in the Snorlax bean bag lounger, crossing his arms. “Stupid nat one.”
“Yeah, that was a bad one.” Jeremy laughs.
“Now do you want to roll initiative, or hear the rest of the description?” Emily laces her fingers and rests her head on them.
I and Andre perk up and look at each other. As the other DMs of the group, we know exactly what she is saying.
Time to meta? I raise my eyebrows at Andre.
The group formed around three high school best friends: Andre, Jeremy, and Chris. They picked up Emily from a book club, and me from an advertisement at a comic store. Mark joined when he moved in with Emily, as she and Andre alternate hosting the sessions.
The problem is Jeremy. He likes action, and the rest of the group leans more toward roleplaying. To make matters worse, he doesn’t really listen well to women, even with two out of three of his DMs being female. So whether to meta is an Andre call. Will he yank Jeremy’s magic user back?
While we are talking with facial expressions, a die rolls. “Twelve for initiative.”
Andre sends me a shrug of I-guess-we-are-doing-this. “Sixteen.”
“Five” I say, then mouth ‘sorry’ to Emily.
She gives me the same smile I gave the party after a superhero TPK three months ago where they ended up in the realm of Death and Dreams, before looking down behind her screen with an air of concentration. Not good.
I notice her scratching out things with her pencil and writing new stuff. “So, what are you doing Em?”
“Hmm.” She casually raises her eyes with an innocent look on her face.
No DM ever gives a look that innocent without doing evil things.
“What.are.you.doing, Em?” I clearly enunciate each word.
“Oh, nothing big. I’m adding a hit point for each die of the dragon since …someone…” Emily glares at Jeremy, “cut me off.”
“Hey, that is not fair.” The man protests.
She points a finger at him. “Zip it. I spent hours on this campaign. I can choose to alter things.” Emily drops her voice. “Pray I do not alter the contract further.”
“You can’t just—”
“No.” I yelp, and Chris hits Jeremy with his journal. Simultaneously, on Jeremy’s other side, where the three core friends of the group sit on the couch, Andre says, “Dude, don’t.”
“Max hit point it is.”
Mark palms his face and mutters. “I’m getting the strap tonight.”
“If you survive,” Emily blows him a kiss.
“Jeremy, let me explain to you a fact of life.” Chris says, reopening his journal to the appropriate page. “DMs are gods. We live in their worlds. You, my friend, are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Do not antagonize them.”
“Whatever.”
“Everyone else, your initiatives please?” Emily pulls her sweet persona around herself, and the guys relax.
Six and eleven finishes out the group.
“The dragon’s initiative is a 23, and her mate’s rolled fifteen.”
Chris surges forward on the sofa. “What mate?”
“The one I would have described. Why don’t you roll perception and if you get a ten, I’ll give you the sheet to read. Your fighter has that study opponent’s skill, right?”
Chris didn’t even hesitate on the roll, “Fifteen, give it here. I don’t get to act until six so I got time to read it.”
After creasing the paper and tearing off a small part, Emily passes the rest of the paper to me, since I am the closest to the DM table. I do a quick glance over the sheet and notice the words nest and eggs. Wincing, I rock forward on hands and knees to reach over to where Chris sits on the couch.
“Now, where were we?” Emily picks up her favorite silver and black twenty-sider and contemplates it. “Ah yes, a towering ice dragon and a party threatening her. I do believe her first action is to breathe. So nice of you to be clumped together after going through the ravine. Everyone roll dodge.”
(word 765; first published 3/3/2024)
Roleplaying Group Series
- Roll to Hit the Ceiling (5/30/2021)
- When a DM asks a question, you say yes (7/28/2024)