Writing Exercise: Permanence of Object

Remote Control Stock Photo

Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhoto.net

When writing, one of the challenges is keeping track of all the stuff in a scene and then throughout the manuscript. Some things are just window dressings, like a pillow on a couch, and other things carry as much weight as a character from the beginning of a story to the end, for example the One Ring in “The Lord of the Rings”.

Good writing keeps track of all the “stuff” unlike a fight scene where you may end up with more (or less) opponents than you had at the start of the fight. Most “stuff” is quick and little more than set dressings. In “Used Tissues”, the flash from 1/17/2016, I have a couple-few inanimate objects: the used tissues, a pillow from the couch, the TV, and some schoolbooks. These were just pieces floating around giving a little more depth to the story. The tissues, even though they are an impetus to ignite the change, have no actual permanence. The schoolbooks appear more than once but are purely scene dressing.

The permanent object in the flash is the remote control. When I originally wrote the story, I just had the mother flick off the television. Then as the story developed, I realized I needed to show her teasing nature, not just tell you about it (show, don’t tell rule), so I decided she would take the remote control with her. But then I had a problem. I had her start with the remote control and had her leave with the remote control, but why wouldn’t the children notice her take it with her. What happened to the remote control inbetween? I needed to create a permanence. The remote control had risen from scene dressing to a full prop which needed to be tracked through the story.

So I added the sentence of the mother putting the remote control in her back pocket. Now the reader can track the remote control from the beginning of its existence in the scene to the scene’s end. How important is the sentence? Look over the flash again https://10094e2.wcomhost.com/erinpenn/2016/01/flash-used-tissues/, but think about it without that middle sentence on the remote control. Are you more satisfied with the finish of the mother taking the remote control with her because of the sentence or does it not make a difference to you?

YOUR TURN (Comment below)
WRITING EXERCISE: Attempt a flash, 500 words or less, which has a prop you need to keep track of. An easy one is a gun or knife in a fight. If you have a present WIP, look over your scenes and see if you need to create of permanence of object in one.

READING EXERCISE: Think of a story where the location of the prop and tracking of the object was important.

Flash: Monsoon Inspection

Woman in Red Chair

Image courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net

“I’m okay mother.” The young woman opened the phone conversation after the other line picked up and waited while the electronic stream bounced up to a satellite and returned from orbit to station to feed into her mother’s archaic landline on the other side of the planet.

“Why on Earth wouldn’ t you be?”

“The monsoon. geez, don’t tell me American news didn’t cover it.” She raised her galoshes-covered feet to rest on the red plastic chair and laid an arm over her knee, then answered herself. “Of course not, it wasn’t like it was a big–”

Her mother interrupted, or more accurately, the stun of her child being in danger and the time delay caught up. “Monsoon! Dolores, I told you that foreign job was no good. If you stayed here you could have married that nice boy from college…”

Whom you never bothered to learn the name of because he was totally forgettable, and a drunk … but I didn’t bring up that part of his sparkling personality with you. You did not need to know everything I got into while in college. His frat did throw the best parties.

“…and have you met any rescue workers. They do have rescue workers there? And food drops like you used to help with. Oh, do I need to send anything to you?” Her mother asked finally winding down.

“No mom. We are set up for this weather. My house is on stilts and everything.” Dolores closed her eyes and crossed her fingers for a small white lie. “I’m totally dry.”

“So no cute rescue workers?”

“No, mom, no cute rescue workers.”

Someone laughed. Dolores eyes popped open. Florescent orange waders rose out of the floodwaters, followed by a dark blue t-shirt with a logo related to some construction sites she had seen around, and topped by a very cute face of the male persuasion. “Got to go mom, the inspector is here.”

Doing the small hand twist which locally translated to the American equivalent of holding up a finger for ‘wait a second,’ Dolores waited for her mother’s response. “Inspector? I knew something was wrong.”

“No, nothing is wrong. Just got to officially get the house looked at. Happens after every monsoon. And no, before you ask, this is my first inspection; my work just told me to expect it. I love you.”

The man face arranged in a pleasant waiting expression. Nothing like the rush-rush the Western world, but also lacking the ever-present fake smiles she would have seen back home too.

“I love you, too. Send me an email when you can.”

“Will do. Good-bye.” Dolores clicked off her phone. Taking a second to change her thinking patterns to Burmese, she stood, putting her phone back into its waterproof sling. “Thank you.”

“To support mother and father, this is the good luck.” The man responded in Burmese, before switching to her native tongue more quickly than she was capable of. “Would you be more comfortable in English?”

“If it is not too much trouble.” She smiled, then bit her lip. Smiling wasn’t always good here. She didn’t make that mistake in Burmese mode. “The last couple of days have been a strain.”

“Mynmarr sends me the foreign housing since I speak languages. My name is Salim.”

“My name is Dolores.” She dragged the plastic chair over to a stilt and bungeed it to the house. “I speak several myself, but the weather took a lot out of me. I’m surprised to see you so soon.”

“High ground this is, houses well built. First inspections always here.”

Ah, Salim has some constant phrases well memorized, like she could ask “Where is the bathroom?” in a dozen languages, but new sentence construction was based on his primary tongue’s structure of subject, object, and verb. When her brain was translating instead of straight hearing, everyone sounded like Yoda. Well, he talked faster even with that then she could translate or hear Burmese right now. She felt mostly okay, but her inner self was curled in a ball shaking from living through a natural disaster. In her life, she had always been part of the rescuing, not one of the rescuee. “Yes, the company told me they put these houses in well. Drilled down into the bedrock to drop the stilts.”

“Good company. They bring lots of jobs. You agriculture instructor?” From one of his many pockets of his mid-chest waders, Salim pulled out a telescoping metal prod and started pushing the foundations around each of the stilts.

“No, I am system admin.” She switched languages. “Computers I work and fix.”

“Smart girl.” He moved to another stilt. “You speak Burmese well. Where did you learn?”

“I picked it up while in India on summer work-studies. Along with Hindi and a few other languages.” She double-checked the sling; she didn’t want to loose the satellite phone. “Where did you learn English?”

“We are taught English in school, then I went to Memphis University on an exchange program for a year. Okay to climb?” He motioned to the ladder leading up to her house. “Need to check floor…” The inspector mimed sliding sideways, his sun-darkened face animating surprise while his black eyes sparkled.

“Pitch of the floor.” Dolores translated. “Slant.”

“Yes, yes, slant.” He motioned at the ladder again. “Climb okay?”

“Please do. Do you want me to come up with you?”

“Yes, good would be.”

Dolores waited until he got to the top before following to avoid the drips from his waders then climbed quickly up the wooden planks. “The front door is unlocked.” The twenty-something inspector did not move until she opened the door for him. She could see everything in her one-room house from the door, so she did not follow him in as he poked around and hopped up and down along the various walls.

“Roof good, no leaks. You no lie to mother about dry.”

A light blush rose in Dolores’ cheeks. “She worries.” In his world, this dry would count since half the people around regularly have their houses flood. Her mom would have problems with water being as far as the eyes could see.

“Mothers worry.” Salim walked over pulling a green card out with numbers in a big block font. “I will put this outside to indicate the house has been inspected.”

Dolores watched as he tucked it into a small plastic square outside her door. She had never figured out what it was for since her house wasn’t numbered and all mail went to her work. “Do I owe you anything?”

“No, no payment needed. Your company pays for the inspections.”

That answer was firm and clearly rote. So the normal additional gifts she had come to expect with all government dealings would actually get him into trouble. Maybe she should offer some simple hospitality. “Would you like anything to drink?”

The man tilted his head considering. “I houses inspect. Three. Can I come back in an hour?”

“Yes you can.” Dolores let a full American smile light her face. “Would you like something to eat as well?”

Salim smiled back. “Yes, I would.”

(words 1,192 – first publication 1/24/2016)

Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words November 25, 2015

Meme: Alignments of Muppets

Image courtesy of the Internet

Character Alignment

Tamsin Silver is part of the Magical Words crew. Living in New York City she rarely slows down, regularly publishing books, writing the web series Sky of the Damned, and being an awesome panelist and blogger, willingly sharing her hard-won knowledge of writing, directing, and producing. She is an amazing person in writing and in person.

In November, she wrote an informative blog (Some People Just Want to Watch the World Burn) on character building using age-old D&D alignments. The grids she found (see above for an example), really help define things. I loved the Harry Potter one with the additional “between” alignments which increased the full range of alignments to 25. That one is an absolute must see to get the full impact of the discussion.

Central to the blog is characters do not need to remain one alignment. In fact, amazing writing happens when characters change during the story. For example, for me one of the most powerful plots within Babylon 5 is when Londo Mollari character flaws drag him from the seemingly chaotic good into evil because he really was lawful – totally loyal to his failed empire. And other characters move in reaction to his descent into darkness, G’Kar goes from slime to saint and Vir Cotto goes from bumbling to iron. J. Michael Straczynski was a virtuoso as he played with our expectations. His characters slid around the alignment chart like it was an ice rink.

WRITING EXERCISE: After reviewing the Some People Just Want to Watch the World Burn, look at your present work-in-progress. What alignment are your main characters? Do they change during the story?

In Honestly, my self-published novel, Kassandra, the heroine, would be Neutral Good. She is just trying to raise her child right and get ahead within society. In the expanded alignment chart she would fall under Social Good. As she faces different situations, she may slide around the chart. At the end of the day her first loyalty is to family, not any particular moral code.Troy, the hero, is lawful good. Very little could change him from this position. But like Kassandra, he is loyal to family before all. I don’t see the lawful ever budging, but what will he do to protect Kassandra and Terrell?
Dewayne, Kassandra’s ex, would be Chaotic Neutral, himself before anyone, and on the expanded version he would be Rebel Neutral. He is never mean or cruel deliberately, but his selfishness, if he doesn’t get a handle on it, could slide him into Impure or even Evil. Kassandra’s son, Terrell, at the moment is the Chaotic Neutral of a child. The world should revolve around him, and he cannot even understand how it does not. The question will be as he grows, which of the adults around him will impact his moral code: Kassandra, Dewayne, or Troy? … I have some ideas and you may see these characters again, as they live in my Queen City Coven world.

YOUR TURN: Comment below on your WIP characters alignments, and speculate if their alignments are fixed or malleable.

Author Spotlight: Sarah David

Book Cover for Decaf & Drones

Cover from Amazon

Author Sarah David’s debut novel “Decaf & Drones” was released by Three World Press in November 2015. A teacher, graduate student, and mother of an active toddler, Ms. David still found time to start a new cozy mystery series “Northwood Barista” themed around coffee, something of an obsession for Ms. David and her main character.

The protagonist, Jordan Nimsby returns home after failing the big city life because of personality conflict with the owner of private investigation firm where she worked, but her love of excitement remains. When a bomb goes off in a stripmall in her small Wisconsin town, she starts investigating even before the police show up.

The inspiration for the “Northwood Barista” series came from an article about Millennials returning home. The first story percolated from the constant news coverage of drones. Eventually the brew boiled, and Ms. Davis put fingers to keyboard between cups of java and chasing a toddler around the house. She continued all three tasks until “Decaf & Drones” poured forth.

Ms. Davis’ blog can be found at http://wordsandcoffeewriting.blogspot.com/ and has lots of cool gifs, something I haven’t even attempted. Interested readers can also connect through her twitter feed wordsandcoffee1. (9/20/2023 – Twitter is now X, and locking itself behind a paywall. Look for the author under other social media.) For her blog, she created an interview with her MC. The interview can be found at: http://wordsandcoffeewriting.blogspot.com/2015/12/interview-with-jordan-nimsby-of-decaf.html. (I need to steal that idea for the future.)

***
 
Full disclosure: One of the small presses I edited for was Three World Productions, of which Three World Press is an imprint. I do not review books I have edited, but I may spotlight authors I have worked with.

 

Flash: Used Tissues

3D Green Tissue Box Stock Art

Image courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net

Melissa looked at the pile of tissues. Another headcold, maybe. She bit her lip. Then turned and trod determinably to the living room where her sons were studying.

Grabbing the remote control, she flicked off the Japanese cartoons before announcing, “Family meeting!”

The boys groaned and rolled over, setting aside the books they had been nearly reading. Attentively, well, as attentive as a 12- and 14-year old can be, they looked towards her.

“I’m no longer picking up the tissues beside your bed.”

“Mom!” LeVarr protested.

Alijah, her younger son, grabbed a couch pillow and buried his face.

“Just letting you know how it is. From now on you want things washed, they go into the hamper. You know that green thing in the bathroom you put your muddy cleats on. If they are not in there, they don’t get washed.” Melissa tucked the remote in her back pocket. “You want the trash emptied, you empty it. You want your bedsheets cleaned, you strip the bed. I will teach you how to wash your linens. Your bedrooms are now your own chore.”

LeVarr’s blush had subsided. “Cool!”

Knowing exactly what LeVarr was thinking, Melissa continued. “That does not mean I rescind my right to enter your room whenever I want. You are still my kids, and I will inspect the room. If we have guests over, the room will be clean.”

“Geez, it’s not like they go into there.” Alijah complained.

“Don’t care.” Melissa smiled grimly, while inside she both laughed and shuddered at what she was about to say. The adult in her loved teasing the boys; LeVarr developing understanding of adult humor made his sarcasm as sharp as hers, and he finally was getting to the point of being funny instead of just needing to be smacked. The mother in her wanted to run for the hills at the next bit of truth. “Someday you may have a girl in your bedroom,–”

“Mom!” LeVarr blushed deep enough to show through his dark skin.

“– not under my roof, but someday you may actually move out and get your own place. Before you are forty if I’m lucky. And when you do, you will be grateful for the habit of cleaning up everything before guests come over. Clear?”

“Yes, mom” Alijah’s reply overlapped with the teenage LeVarr’s affirmative, “As mud, my mudder.”

“Right. Finish your homework, and, Alijah, I want to look over that math assignment. LeVarr let me know when you are ready for your research paper so I can boot up the laptop. I’ll be cleaning the dinner dishes.” She paused a moment before adding. “And thanks boys, I love you.”

“Love you too mom.” They responded in unison before reaching for their schoolbooks.

She took the remote into the kitchen and wondered how long it would take them to realize it.

(words 476 – first publication 1/17/2016)